I am not a Koala Bear

I’ve been trying to write about some recent events but my mind is so cluttered with childhood memories at the moment that I just need to get them out before I can start talking about life as it is right now.


I used to think I was a koala bear. I’m not sure why a koala bear, but who doesn’t like koalas? They are adorable!

On this particular summer’s day in my parent’s backyard I decided to test out my koala like qualities. I had probably just watched a cartoon or WWF commercial showing a koala like this one:

See, sooo cute!

Now to set up the scenario, my parents had an old shed that usually housed the lawn mower and other dilapidated items. I hated going in this shed cause it was always full of spiders but it did come in handy as you could easily jump on to the roof from the upper yard. My parents told me that I wasn’t allowed to get on top because the shed was rotting and I could fall through. If only they knew that it wasn’t the shed that was dangerous, it was my imagination that they should have worried about! Directly beside the shed were two very tall skinny trees. My dad will be very embarrassed that I can’t remember the type of tree. They were the kind of tree that had lots of tiny branches that were pliable. These trees were close to the shed but just far enough that you couldn’t grab them.

Ok, now that you have a visual of the shed, let’s get to the story. So you have to understand that in my mind, I was a Koala, there was no doubt about it. I didn’t even question that perhaps I wasn’t a Koala and just a fearless little kid with an over active imagination. So I jumped on the roof of the shed, already feeling a pang of guilt because I knew I was breaking the “no climbing on the shed” rule. So I had to act quickly so that I wouldn’t get caught on top of the shed. No time to calculate the risks of this adventure. No time to question what would happen if it didn’t go as planned. No time to be scared of how tall the shed really was in comparison to me. There was certainly no time to think about the laws of gravity that were about to come into play.

I took the leap. I jumped at one of the trees.

In my Koala imagination, this is how this scenario played out: I would jump into the tree. Since I was a Koala bear, I would be able to grab on to the tree, wrap my arms and legs around the trunk and stay there. I would probably stay there for the rest of the day, just chilling out like a koala. Maybe I would even try eating a leaf or two. Who knows?!

This is what happened in real life: I jumped full speed at the tree. I reached the tree but instead of clinging elegantly to the trunk, I hit it with a thud. I then plummeted to the ground at a force that my little brain had not anticipated. Since the tree’s branches were so pliable there was nothing to break my fall, I just kept falling breaking the branches as I went. In retrospect that was probably the better scenario than impaling myself on a larger branch! At least I didn’t lose any vital organs in this adventure!

In a daze I found myself at the bottom of the tree, covered in parts of tree and leaves and incredibly shocked at how my Koala qualities had failed me. I WASN’T A REAL KOALA BEAR!!!!

Now I don’t really remember what happened after this but I do know that I wasn’t seriously hurt, just some scrapes and bruises. I do remember that shortly after this incident, my father chopped down the two trees. For those of you who know my dad, you will understand how big of a deal it is that he had to cut down the trees. I guess he knew me well enough to know that I didn’t often learn from my mistakes!

I am also proud to say that I no longer have a Koala Bear identity crisis.